Icy Complains
by Kurotensaki13
Summary: Everyday's a disaster! Toshiro Hitsugaya's days of ordeal.
1. 1 My Name is Toshiro Hitsugaya

Icy Complains

**Hi! This is my first fic! So I'm kinda The first chapter's the intro. I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach**

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1. My name is Toshiro Hitsugaya

I stood between Kyoraku and Kurotsuchi. The Head Captain called a meeting. _Again_. This is like the fifth time in two days. Moreover, they go on for _hours_. Hours of useless talking. Such a waste of time.

"Captain Hitsugaya."

"Yes?"

"It's time for your report," said Head Captain Yamamoto.

Oh.

I heard Kyoraku snicker and so did that Eleventh Division giant. Curse them. It's _so_ not my fault that I didn't pay attention!

Well…actually….it is…

"Tenth Division has been going well. There is nothing much to report other than that."

The Head Captain went onto the Eleventh Division giant and…Oh no…Kurotsuchi! No! He's going to ramble on for like two-

"I have nothing to report. I just want to return to my experiments."

Two seconds?

After Ukitake's another short report, this meeting was declared over. I restrained myself from bursting out of the room. Instead I walked. It didn't take very long until somebody called after me.

"Hitsugaya kun~" It's Kyoraku.

I walked a little faster. Not wanting the laid back captain to catch up. Sadly, he did.

"Hitsugaya kun, you should pay attention to meetings from now on. It was obvious."

I don't want to hear that. Not from you.

"Mind your own business," I retorted in an icy tone.

"Aw~ Don't be so mean. Hey, why don't you come over and have sake with me?"

I was going to say no when Ukitake came up to my other side.

"No, Kyoraku. Stop trying to make Captain Hitsugaya drink with you," he said it with a stern look.

At least someone's helping me.

Suddenly, I felt someone pat my head from behind. Annoyed, I stopped and turned around to see the fox faced captain. I glared at him.

"Ichimaru. What do you think you're doing?"

The man didn't stop patting my head. Instead, he _teased_ me.

"Aw~ Hitsugaya's annoyed 'cause he can't drink 'cause he's underage~"

What. Did. He. Say? I tried to keep calm.

"Are you saying that I am too young to drink?"

"Yep! Kids like ya aren't allowed ta drink, ya know."

"Ichimaru-"Too late. He was already gone. I clenched my fists. I hate that guy. Kyoraku chuckled as he headed off to drink.

"I suppose Ichimaru's right, right Hitsugaya kun?" he called behind his back.

"That-"Ukitake cut me off.

"Don't be so angry, Captain Hitsugaya. They're just joking around."

I blinked at the other white haired captain gratefully. I never thought Ukitake was so…

"To cheer you up, why don't you come to my office right now so that I could give you a full basket of candies I bought the other day just for you?"

And I thought he was so encouraging! He's not helping me at all!

* * *

A few hours have past since I locked myself in my office, and I was still angry. Did those three plan that all out?

I sighed. I know I've only just become a captain and all but I never expected the Captains to be like this. I expected most of them to be like Byakuya Kuchiki.

But now I know that I was wrong.

First, the Head Captain's just old. I don't know much about Captain Soi Fon but she seems serious and hostile. Gin Ichimaru is annoying. He always teases me. I just can't trust him. Captain Unohana is kind. Aizen looks like a really thoughtful and caring person. As long as he takes good care of Hinamori, I'm fine with him. Byakuya Kuchiki is one of those 'stick-to-the-rule' people. He's quiet and emotionless. Komamura…well…he always wears his mask. He's huge. Now Kyoraku equals laziness. I don't think he does anything but chase after woman and drink. He always urges me to drink with him and I always refuse. Not that because I'm _underage,_ but I do not believe that drinking during work is right. Tousen is quiet. He does talk about justice, though. He seems to be in good terms with Komamura. Zaraki is an idiot. All he and his Division think about is fighting. He's a giant as well. Kurotsuchi is a mad scientist. Honestly, I think he's a freak. Finally Ukitake is…nice? Annoying. From the first day I began work, he's been giving me advice, candies and toys. Why exactly does he give me candies and toys?

I haven't met all the Vice Captains yet. Speaking of that, where is-

"Captain~!"

Speak of the devil. The door just burst open and in came my Vice Captain, Rangiku Matsumoto.

"Matsumoto. Where have you been?" I asked, glaring. Instead of an oral answer, I was given a huge death hug. Why? Why does she want to kill me so much with her hug? What have I ever done to her?

"Mapunohfo! Leff meh gof!" _Matsumoto! Let me go!_

"What's that, Captain?"

I pulled my head out of her…er…you know…and gasped for air.

"I said. Let me go."

"Oh! Why didn't you say so?" said Matsumoto as she released me.

I straightened my haori. I glared at her.

"I did."

She giggled.

"Aw~ You're just so cute when you're angry!"

I could feel my face heating up. I coughed to hide my embarrassment and went onto a different subject.

"I see you've forgotten to do your paperwork. I did mine and left yours on the table," I said, pointing to a large pile of paper on the table. I noticed Matsumoto's smile vanish. Suddenly, she started backing away.

"Oh, Captain! I was supposed to help Nanao today! I forgot! I have to go now. Sorry, Captain! I have to go!"

With that the door banged shut, leaving a single Captain_ very_ pissed.

"MATSUMOTO!"

I hope my life, Toshiro Hitsugaya 's life, in Seretei gets better.

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**I hope you enjoyed it! Please review!**


	2. 2 Missing Haori

Icy Complains

**Hey! One review but that's alright! Thanks to the three who added this fic. **

**Sorry, another really short chap. Hope you don't mind. **

**Oh, by the way, did you guys see Yamamoto's Bankai?! It's awesome! Especially the South one! I can't wait until Wednesday! **

**Hopefully, I'll get more reviews this time?**

**Disclamer: I do not own Bleach**

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2. Missing Haori

I am very angry right now. I am now hoping to meet a few stray Hollows and kill them. Why?

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I woke up early in the morning like I usually do. I washed up, did my bed and got changed…when I found that my Haori was gone. GONE. I was certain I hung it up on the hanger.

I didn't mind really.

"It's alright. It's just a Haori. I should be able to find it."

So I spent the entire morning looking for it. I checked my room, the office, even tried the barracks. I ended up with nothing.

Time passed to noon and I was sitting in my office, slightly panicking. Where did it go? My Haori? Did it get stolen?

Suddenly, I heard someone call me.

"Captain~!"

And guess who that is. Yep. My freak'n annoying Vice Captain. Before she could _hug_ me, I held out a hand to stop her.

"Have you seen my Haori, Matsumoto?"

"Huh?" She thought for a while. "No, I haven't. Why? Is it missing?"

"Unless you're blind, yes."

It was finally then when she noticed that I wasn't wearing a Haori.

"Oh! I see! Wow, you're hair stands out so much without your Haori!"

Thank you for the unnecessary comment.

"Well, I have to go and give in my reports to the Head Captain. I want you to look for my Haori until then," I ordered, packing stacks of paperwork I did the other day.

However, Matsumoto wasn't planning to let me go.

"Wait, Captain!"

"What?"

"You can't go and meet the Head Captain without a Haori!"

"Why?"

"Well, Gin once lost his before you joined and he ended up getting practically roasted."

I felt a shiver.

"Ro…Roasted?"

"Yeah! It took him ages for his skin to turn back to his original color. He was like Captain Tousen for like months!"

Oh crap. She can't be serious. An image of me with black skin and white hair came up. My hair already stood out a lot but black skin and white hair? I was going to look like a chess board or something!

"Matsumoto, what should I do?" I asked, trying to hide my fears.

"No worries, Captain! I'm here to help you after all!"

For the first time, I felt relieved that Matsumoto was with me. I relaxed and opened my mouth to say thanks when my Vice Captain took out a rainbow colored _Haori_.

"Wear this, Captain!"

I blinked once.

Twice.

Thrice.

"Ma…Matsumo…moto…Is…is…that my…" I stammered as I raised my shaking hand at the _hideous_ thing.

"Well? It has the number on it!" She flipped over the Haori and my eyes found the number 'ten' printed on the back. There was one change, however. The number and the mark of the 13 Court Guards weren't in black. It was freak'n _hot pink_.

I gave up. My scream of agony spread over Seretei.

* * *

So that's why I want to kill something right now. I was currently receiving many numbers of stares and giggles.

"Just ignore them. Just ignore them," I mumbled to myself.

I guess it kinda worked. I was already in front of the Head Captain's Office.

So I just need to hand these papers, then go out and search for Hollows. Or Matsumoto. If I meet Matsumoto, I'll torture her in the worst way possible. I might even get Kurotsuchi to help and maybe I could dissect her and then-

"You may enter, Captain Hitsugaya."

The Head Captain's voice woke me up from my amazing (some might think evil) plans. I quickly stepped in the office. Hopefully, the Head Captain doesn't open his eyes.

"These are my reports for this week, Head Captain," I announced.

"I see. You did a good job, Captain Hitsugaya. Now why exactly did you dye your Haori?"

Alas. I forgot that he can see with his eyes closed.

I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment.

"Um…well…" I wasn't sure whether to tell him the truth or not.

The Head Captain Yamamoto opened his eyes. I gulped. His eyes were stern.

"No excuses! Did you not know how important your Haori is?"

"I…I apologize, Head Captain Yamamoto!"

"I am highly disappointed in you, Captain Hitsugaya! I expected the better from you and yet, you go around Seretei in that disgraceful Haori! Wash that right now!"

Oh my…He's really angry!

"I am highly sorry!"

"You are dismissed."

I practically sprinted out of the office. I've learned an important lesson. Never anger Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto.

Now where the hell is my supply of Hollows?

* * *

As you know, I spent half of my day trying to _find_ my Haori. I spent the other half trying to _wash_ it.

I tried everything that can wash things. Detergent, detergent powder, Sulfonic Acid, SHMP, LABSA, sodium silicate, zinc, Polyacrylimide, 4A Zeolite Powder, soap and another thousand of weird stuff. None worked. I even tried using Kurotsuchi's chemicals.

I was having a mental breakdown.

It was already 1 am, and I still hadn't made any progress! What stuff did my missing Vice Captain use anyway?

I put my colorful Haori in the washing machine again. However, there was something wrong. The washing machine wasn't working.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me!"

I kicked it. Bad move. It exploded.

* * *

The next day. In the Meeting Room.

All the Captains of the 13 Court Guards stared at the little Captain. Not one dared to comment, not even Gin. Speaking of Gin, he wasn't smiling.

In their eyes, they saw a skeletal Shinigami wearing a ragged rainbow colored Haori.

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	3. 3 Cursed Teddy (1)

Icy Complains

**Hey! 'S been a long time! Thanks for all reviews and followers and favs!**

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3. Cursed Teddy (1)

So. Before I got out of bed this morning, I prayed to God wishing for today to be a normal day. Then again, I'm a God as well, right? I mean I don't have brown beards or anything but I'm still a death God. So in other words, I can't pray. That's rather depressing. But it's worth a try. Dear God sama, I hope I have a normal minute, a normal hour, a normal day, a normal month and a normal year without any pests beside me.

And the first thing I see when I got up was a white teddy bear and a note.

Why an earth do I have a teddy on my bed?

I reached out for the note. It said:

_Dear Toshiro Hitsugaya,_

_I have sent this teddy bear to you because it seemed that you were having a hard time. _

_Do not under estimate this teddy as it has the power to make people who you hate suffer._

_This is all you have to do. _

_Think of the person who you hate._

_Then you squeeze the neck of the teddy._

_Once the eye flashes red twice, that means the victim is currently suffering._

_Feel free to ask for more bears in case you need them. _

_I hope you use this to its full extent._

_Have a good day._

_From __

I blinked.

Is this what the word 'normal' supposed to mean?

* * *

I wasn't sure whether this was a prank or not. Probably is, but it isn't, it would be pretty nice to have an army of these teddies.

So I decided to test it out and see for myself.

I sat behind my desk with my _new_ _white_ _haori_ on, hid the white bear under my desk and patiently waited for Matsumoto. She was soon to come.

Bang! The door opened. And in came my first victim.

"Morning, Captain!"

"Hello, Matsumoto," I said calmly. My hands found the soft toy's neck.

My ignorant Vice Captain danced across the room and to my table. She opened her arms wide. Just before I could get crushed in her stuff, I squeezed the teddy as hard as I could.

The guess what happened next? A miracle.

Matsumoto stopped abruptly and started choking and gasping. She clutched her neck, strained as if she was trying to cough something out.

When I released the grip in surprise, she stopped. I clutched the neck again, she started coughing and choking all over.

My eyes were wide open due to three emotions. Shock, excitement and happiness. Maybe another God does exist.

* * *

As my first try turned out successful, I decided to try it on the rest of the Gotei 13.

My second victim was Ukitake.

"Hi there, Captain Hitsugaya! I see you've gotten yourself a new haori!" he greeted happily while watering some random plants.

"Er, yeah, I did," I answered half-heartedly. I had my invincible cursed teddy behind my back.

Ukitake smiled.

"If you're not busy right now, why don't you come to my office? I got tones of can-ACK!"

I cut him off right before he could finish that horrible word. I watched as Ukitake choked to near death until I released the teddy. I was so happy. However, I had to show fake concern. My celebration will have to wait.

"Ukitake! Are you alright?"

"Ack. Do~ re~ me~ Yes, I'm fine now!"

"What was that just then?" I innocently asked.

He frowned slightly.

"I guess it was one of my usual run ups. Though that one felt a little different."

"Maybe you should get it checked with Captain Unohana."

"I'll be fine."

"Go and rest," I said.

Ukitake complied with a smile. Once I was certain that I was alone, I yelped with glee.

"YES!"

I scurried towards my next victim. Strangely, I felt a little guilty for trying to choke a sick man to death. Well, he's alive so I should just shake it off.

* * *

Next stop, Renji Abarai.

This time, I didn't let myself be seen or sensed. Abarai's not the brightest guy so playing around should be easy.

I stood on a roof a few distance away from my target, suppressing my spiritual pressure. Abarai, the crimson pineapple, was talking to the Kuchiki girl. Her name was…what was it again?

Anyway, this time, I decided to try something else. I put down the teddy bear on the roof. I pointed my finger at it and whispered.

"Bakudo #9. Geki."

The bear was engulfed in red light, and so was Abarai. I was quite a distance away, yet I could hear him as clear as water. I was grinning.

"Ah! What the hell!"

"What's wrong, Renji?"

"I can't move!"

"No way! I couldn't sense anyone! I didn't even see a spell coming this way!"

"I'm paralyzed!"

"Wait! This is Bakudo #9 Geki! I'll undo it for you!"

My smile disappeared as the girl undid my kido. Damn. I should have done a stronger one. I only tried kido on Abarai because I heard he sucks at it. Hm…who else can't deal with kido…

It was an unfortunate fact that I had no idea who Ichigo Kurosaki was, nor was I informed of his existence.

I left the prank scene before the two could find me.

* * *

So now I was aware that kido worked on this bear. I tried using my blade for my next victim. Then what about Zanpackuto?

My last victim for the day was Mayuri Kurotsuchi, the mad scientist. I decided to go safe sand stayed on a roof once more. The sun was setting already. I had to hurry things up. I was way to eager to try this.

I pursued Kurotsuchi for a while. Fortunately, he wasn't with his Vice Captain/artificial daughter/cyborg thingy/Nemu Kurotsuchi.

Without waiting, I threw the teddy bear up in the air and took my Zanpackuto out. I simply slashed it. When the bear landed back on the roof, I realized something went wrong. Very wrong.

The head. It was gone.

I quickly looked towards where Kurotsuchi was and…oh. Wow.

I picked up the headless teddy. If I could just attach the head, I should be able to save Kurotsuchi.

"Or maybe he should just save himself. He's capable, right?" I mumbled to myself as I held onto the bear. With a yawn, I left the crime scene, picking up the teddy bear's head on the way.

I must ask for another teddy bear.

To be continued.

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**There! Hope you liked it! Please review!**


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